My 22nd June appointment was cancelled due to Dr. I's business trip. Another ultrasound scanned today was alright. I obviously do not need any Provera or Progynova anymore to bring on my next cycle. So really crossed fingers, my next cycle will be on time naturally. Take note here: uterus lining was at 7.6 mm, break for a cycle or two I am allowed to enter the 2nd IVF.

By the way, when DH went to the cashier desk, I also noted there’s an increment of Dr. I's consultation fee, almost 60% rise in rates, so one shot consultation becomes IDR 400.000,- now from normal rates. Hmmm....60% rise, its not an up-tick increase anyway huh?



morning always gives me hope in time of trials
As I’ve gotten older, the joy of a sleep-in has become a thing of my past. Now I used to get up before the sun and spend a little quiet time being thankful for the fresh day ahead, not the least of which is bear witness a magnificent beautiful sunrise. 

My mundane routine would be step outside basking myself in the warm sun and lingered over my lukewarm green tea. I always full of wonder at this amazing sight. Who could ask for a better beginning for such a blessing? 




A missed miscarriage can be an extremely traumatic experience for a couple. A missed miscarriage is the term referred to when a woman has a miscarriage without any symptoms. This typically is something that’s discovered when there’s lack of a fetal heartbeat at a check-up, when a woman sees the doctor due to lack of pregnancy symptoms that were previously felt or when this is discovered as a result of an ultrasound. Missed miscarriage can be a shock to a woman who believed her pregnancy was average and did not suspect any problems.
While most women experience bleeding and/or cramping while having a miscarriage, a missed miscarriage is when the fetal simply dies but is not expelled from the body. This can be extremely shocking to the patient who was not aware of any problems in her pregnancy and can be difficult to overcome on an emotional level.
Miscarriages are difficult at any time. Whether the woman who was pregnant discovers she’s had a chemical pregnancy, a blighted ovum, a missed miscarriage or a miscarriage that occurred as most do, with accompanying bleeding and cramping and a lot of waiting, it’s going to be a traumatic experience that will take some getting over.
When a woman experiences a missed miscarriage or any other type of pregnancy loss, she needs care, rest, moral support and reassurance. When the majority of women become pregnant, they instantly become attached to the life within them and that loss is as grievous as losing someone that you have already met and loved. There are support groups and books on this subject that can help a couple work through the associated emotions.
It’s important to realize that miscarriages, including missed miscarriages occur more often than you might think. General statistics indicate that one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage through no fault of anyone. A miscarriage is most often due to the embryo being unviable due to chromosomal defects. While the pain and loss associated with miscarriage makes it feel anything but common, it truly is part of life for many women and most of the women that have to suffer this loss do still go on to have successful pregnancies.
When a woman has recurrent miscarriages such as three or more, a doctor will more closely examine the reason for this. It could be due to uterine problems within the woman or other medical reasons that might be able to be worked on. While miscarriage can be an extremely difficult and frustrating thing to deal with, there are specialists that can help couples successfully succeed in many cases. 
Source: Online Pregnancy Info



[01.30 pm]
Get my ultrasound today. No luck. Our little one started to bleed and my gestational sac started to collapse and shrinking. Dr. I told us it would only be a matter of couple days for me to have miscarriage. He presented both sides of what we can do but suggested us of having D&C. I was so crushed. I really don’t know what to do, I have been on such an emotional roller coaster past few weeks in this waiting miscarriage game.

[04.00 pm]
We finally decided and agreed to book for D&C tomorrow at 10.00 am.

Medication Lists:
Gastrul, 1 to be taken orally at 10.00 pm tonight and another one to be inserted vaginally at 07.00 am in the morning (3 hrs before D&C)




I should be 9 wks today. My ultrasound showed baby's CRL at 0,284 cm. Dr. I told us it’s not an ideal pattern, our little one was measuring weeks behind in growth and again we decided to wait for another 2 weeks to get another ultrasound done. I am clutching at straws here – hoping to see baby and heartbeat then.



09 Feb 2013 (CNY-eve)
It seems my happiness didn’t last long. My b-HCG level dropped from 169 to 128. Dr. A texted me to stop consume Duphaston and Ascardia, and ask me to consult with Dr. I when I am ready.  They said things about embryos do not grow properly, and it will be a miscarriage waiting to happen. 

Totally shattered!